Helping Kids with Learning Problems: 11 steps to providing a supportive emotional environment

Eleven Steps to Providing a Supportive Emotional Environment

from Overcoming Underachieving (P.126-7) by Dr. Sam Goldstein and Dr. Nancy Mather published  1998 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

1. Try to see the world through the eyes of your child. All is not always as it appears to you. Make an effort to understand how your child thinks, feels, and then behaves. You must be able to see the world from your child’s perspectives — a task that will take time, patience, persistence and effort on your part.

2. Be reliable and available. When possible, schedule private time with your child each day.

3. Continue to offer love, safety and security, regardless of any problems. Make certain you express your care and concern even when your child disagrees with you.

4. Reinforce effort, even if he or she is not successful. Provide lots of love — hugs, kisses and pats on the back.

5. Consistently foster self-esteem. School success is not a matter of your child’s succeeding at all costs; instead, feeling good about successes is the goal. Do not spend so much time on academic performance that your neglect other strengths and talents; instead, help to find activities that promote those natural talents.

6. Build responsibility. Allow your child the opportunity to do things independently and to learn from experience, while keeping in mind that, for some children, responsible behavior develops in very small steps.

7. Start with the end in mind, and set goals that can be accomplished. Whether the goal is developing math, reading, or behavioral skills, know where you want to go and review this information with your child. Be specific about what “behaving better” entails, and set small, attainable objectives along the way.

8. Use a problem-solving model. It is critically important that you offer your child a good example of how to deal with life’s problems day in and day out. Demonstrate that you believe failure is something to learn from and that an understanding of today’s failure can lay the foundation for tomorrow’s successes.

9. Make certain that there is a balance in your child’s life. Children with school problems often spend an inordinate amount of time completing schoolwork, and they end up feeling that they do little beyond trying to deliver a satisfactory finished product in an area that doesn’t matter to them. They often don’t spend time in activities they enjoy. When after-school time is limited, make sure that your child spends some of it in activities that are enjoyable and reinforcing.

10. Take care of your relationship with your child. Among the best predictors of children’s success in adult life is the quality of the relationship they have with their parents — independent of school success or failure. Your relationship with your child may become strained becasue of repeated problems, so take extra time to keep the scales balanced and the overall relationship positive. No matter how things are going at school, find a way to spend enjoyable, nonstressful time with your child at least a number of times each week. It doesn’t matter whether you play cards, go out for pizza, or toss a ball back and forth — what’s important is having a regular activity that is enjoyable for both of you.

11. Remember that your goal is to be a safety net, not a savior. Not surprisingly, children with school difficulties often seek gratification in other areas. That’s why it’s so important for you to provide structure, support and successful experiences in the home, which your child can then transfer to mastery of the world outside. You must walk a fine line of encouraging your child, supporting his or her endeavors, and acting as a safety net rather than a keeper.

Advice for Parents with Kids who have Learning Problems

 

 

From Overcoming underachieving: An Action Guide to Helping Your child to succeed in School by Dr. Sam Goldstein and Dr. Nancy Mather, published 1998 by John Wiley & Sons Inc, USA

 

Understanding Learning and Learning Problems P.7

 

The learning problems of children usually cannot be resolved quickly or cured with a “magic potion”. Instead, they are often chronic and require regular management. It’s a parent’s job to be the manager and, eventually, to help the child to learn to self-manage the problem. To be effective at this job, however, parents must first understand how children learn. What skills are required for school success? How do strengths and weaknesses in particular skills affect a child’s mastery of particular subjects?….

 

If Your child is a chip off the old Block P. 59

 

…many of the same issues affected your own childhood and are even present in your adult life today. This would not be surprising; problems with inattention and impulsivity are often hereditary. If you continue to experience these types of problems as an adult, getting help for yourself is a critical step in helping your child. Long-term studies clearly show that parents’ availability, competence, and persistence are key factors in predicting good life outcomes for their children. By taking care of your problems, you will be easing your child’s problems….

 

Self-Esteem and You, the Parent P. 106

 

As we have suggested, your own self-esteem is likely to have a significant impact on how you cope with and respond to your child’s problems. The quality of these interactions, in turn, will significantly impact your child’s self-esteem.

 

There are two important rules for every parent: The “Three C” rule and the “Three P” rule.

 

The Three C rule stresses commitment, challenges and control. Recognize the importance of what you do as a parent, and give yourself credit for remaining committed – sticking with your role even in the face of struggles. Learn to view difficult situations as challenges, or opportunities to learn, rather than as stresses to avoid. Finally, recognize what you can change and what you can’t, and keep focus on what you have control over rather than on what you do not.

 

The Three P rule is simple: Be proud of your child despite the struggle, and convey your belief in him or her. Be patient. Recognize that although it may take your child longer to master a task, time and practice will bring success. And be persistent: develop a set of goals, and keep focusing on accomplishing these goals and on helping others, including your child’s teachers, to help your child meet these goals.

 

Teach these rules to your child. Be committed, learning to recognize difficult situations as challenges, and recognizing that in every situation each of us has some control will help your child build, nurture, and foster self-esteem. It will protect against being wounded by unthinking adults and other children. Likewise, learning to be proud, patient and persistent will develop extra resources for facing unexpected life events….

 

Being a “Fair” Parent P. 138

 

Children who have problems with learning require a great amount of time, especially from parents. If you have several children, don’t feel quilty about treating them differently, according to their needs…. Each child needs something different from the family environment. Children with attentional and behavioral difficulties require exceptional parents because parenting these children is more demanding and challenging than parent children who do not have these problems. The fairest thing that you can do as a parent is: respond to and attempt to meet the individual needs of your children. When children grow up in warm, supportive homes and participate in classrooms where expectations are realistic, they are far less likely to develop other weaknesses in the foundational blocks of emotions and self-esteem.

 

Being a conscientious parent is not an easy job. Remember to pat yourself on the back occasionally, and keep your sense of humor. You and your child will have your share of bad as well as good days, but be assured that your patience, persistence, and efforts will pay off….