關於我們的朋友，我向神禱告，求神賜給他能帶給他因單純信靠的心而得著的平安。 當我們能夠即刻放開不需要的擔心、煩惱，以及那些紛擾的思想時(就是自我中心的思想，而非仁愛、友善的思想)，即使我們正行在窄路中，也會發現，自己竟站在寧靜的高原上。我們會活在屬於神兒女的那種天真安然與自由當中，並且不缺少與神、與人有健全的關係……

所以我們必須學習泰然自若的來忍受所有的苦難，包括那些不是由於我們的錯而臨到的苦難。但是我們必須小心，因為靈裡的煩躁不安，有可能是我們的錯。我們可能在神給我們的十字架之外，再加上我們自己對苦難的那種充滿焦慮的抗拒與不願。這顯然是殘留之老我生命的跡象……

如果你認得神的手，而且對衪的旨意不做任何的抗拒，你會在苦難中得享平安。能以單純平靜、完全對

神旨意降服的心承擔他的苦難的人，實在是有福的。除了這順服的靈之外，再也沒有任何其他的方法，能夠縮短、撫慰我們的痛苦。

<<心的割禮>> 張琴惠 譯 范尼隆 著 道風山基督教叢林 ISBN 978-962-8294-23-7 二零零七年一月初版

  道聲出版社製作及代理 www.tfscc.org

P.4 – 5

by Dr. Ralph F. Wilson

there’s a 7:19 MP3 recording at the website http://www.joyfulheart.com/christmas/, need to download with flashget

Bartolom?Esteban Murillo (Spanish painter, 1617-1682), detail from The Holy Family with a Small Bird (c. 1650), Museo del Prado, Madrid. Larger image.

Dear Mom,

We’re still in Bethlehem–Mary and I and little Jesus.

There were lots of things I couldn’t talk to you about last summer. You wouldn’t have believed me then, but maybe I can tell you now. I hope you can understand.

You know, Mom, I’ve always loved Mary. You and dad used to tease me about her when she was still a girl. She and her brothers used to play on our street. Our families got together for supper. But the hardest day of my life came scarcely a year ago when I was twenty and she only fifteen. You remember that day, don’t you?

The trouble started after we were betrothed and signed the marriage agreement at our engagement. That same spring Mary had left abruptly to visit her old cousin Elizabeth in Judea. She was gone three whole months. After she got back, people started wondering out loud if she were pregnant.

It was cloudy the day when I finally confronted her with the gossip. “Mary,” I asked at last, “are you going to have a baby?”

Her clear brown eyes met mine. She nodded.

I didn’t know what to say. “Who?” I finally stammered.

Mom, Mary and I had never acted improperly–even after we were betrothed.

Mary looked down. “Joseph,” she said. “There’s no way I can explain. You couldn’t understand. But I want you to know I’ve never cared for anyone but you.” She got up, gently took my hands in hers, kissed each of them as if it were the last time she would ever do that again, and then turned towards home. She must have been dying inside. I know I was.

The rest of the day I stumbled through my chores. It’s a wonder I didn’t hurt myself in the woodshop. At first I was angry and pounded out my frustrations on the doorframe I was making. My thoughts whirled so fast I could hardly keep my mind on my work. At last I decided just to end the marriage contract with a quiet divorce. I loved her too much to make a public scene.

I couldn’t talk to you. Or anyone, for that matter. I went to bed early and tried to sleep. Her words came to me over and over. “I’ve never cared for anyone but you…. I’ve never cared for anyone but you….” How I wished I could believe her!

I don’t know when I finally fell asleep. Mom, I had a dream from God. An angel of the Lord came to me. His words pulsated through my mind so intensely I can remember them as if it were yesterday.

“Joseph, son of David,” he thundered, “do not fear to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.”

I couldn’t believe my ears, Mom. This was the answer! The angel continued, “She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

The angel gripped my shoulders with his huge hands. For a long moment his gaze pierced deep within me. Just as he turned to go, I think I saw a smile on his shining face.

I sat bolt upright in bed. No sleep after that! I tossed about for a while, going over the words in my mind. Then I got up and dressed quietly so I wouldn’t wake you.

I must have walked for miles beneath the moonless sky. Stars pricked the blackness like a thousand tiny pinpoints. A warm breeze blew on my face.

I sang to the Lord, Mom. Yes, me, singing, if you can imagine that. I couldn’t contain my joy. I told Him that I would take Mary and care for her. I told Him I would watch over her–and the child–no matter what anyone said.

I got back just as the sun kissed the hilltops. I don’t know if you still recall that morning, Mom. I can see it in my mind’s eye as if it were yesterday. You were feeding the chickens, surprised to see me out. Remember?

“Sit down,” I said to you. “I’ve got to tell you something.” I took your arm and helped you find a seat on the big rock out back. “Mom,” I said, “I’m going to bring Mary home as my wife. Can you help make a place for her things?”

You were silent a long time. “You do know what they’re saying, don’t you, son?” you said at last, your eyes glistening.

“Yes, Mom, I know.”

Your voice started to rise. “If your father were still alive, he’d have some words, I’ll tell you. Going about like that before you are married. Disgracing the family and all. You… you and Mary ought to be ashamed of yourselves!”

You’d never have believed me if I’d tried to explain, so I didn’t. Unless the angel had spoken to you, you’d have laughed me to scorn.

“Mom, this is the right thing to do,” I said.

And then I started talking to you as if I were the head of the house. “When she comes I don’t want one word to her about it,” I sputtered. “She’s your daughter-in-law, you’ll respect her. She’ll need your help if she’s to bear the neighbors’ wagging tongues!”

I’m sorry, Mom. You didn’t deserve that. You started to get up in a huff.

“Mom,” I murmured, “I need you.” You took my hand and got to your feet, but the fire was gone from your eyes.

“You can count on me, Joseph,” you told me with a long hug. And you meant it. I never heard another word. No bride could hope for a better mother-in-law than you those next few months.

Mom, after I left you I went up the road to Mary’s house and knocked. Her mother glared at me as she opened the door. Loudly, harshly she called into the house, “It’s Joseph!” almost spitting out my name as she said it.

My little Mary came out cringing, as if she expected me give her the back of my hand, I suppose. Her eyes were red and puffy. I can just imagine what her parents had said.

We walked a few steps from the house. She looked so young and afraid. “Pack your things, Mary,” I told her gently. “I’m taking you home to be my wife.”

“Joseph!” She hugged me as tight as she could. Mom, I didn’t realize she was so strong.

I told her what I’d been planning. “We’ll go to Rabbi Ben-Ezer’s house this week and have him perform the ceremony.”

I know it was awfully sudden, Mom, but I figured the sooner we got married the better it would be for her, and me, and the baby.

“Mary, even if our friends don’t come, at least you and I can pledge our love before God.” I paused. “I think my Mom will be there. And maybe your friend Rebecca would come if her dad will let her. How about your parents?”

I could feel Mary’s tiny frame shuddering as she sobbed quietly.

“Mary,” I said. I could feel myself speaking more boldly. “No matter what anyone says about you, I’m proud you’re going to be my wife. I’m going to take good care of you. I’ve promised God that.”

She looked up.

I lowered my voice. “I had a dream last night, Mary. I saw an angel. I know.”

The anguish which had gripped her face vanished. She was radiant as we turned away from the house and began to walk up the hill together.

Just then her mother ran out into the yard. “Wait,” she called. She must have been listening from behind the door. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

“I’ll get your father,” she called, almost giddy with emotion. “We,” she cried as she gathered up her skirts. “We,” she shouted as she began to run to find her husband. “We … are going to have a wedding!”

That’s how it was, Mom. Thanks for being there for us. I’ll write again soon.

Love, Joseph

Once in a while at Christmastime I catch myself complaining- about little things, inconveniences, mainly. “I don’t need this now,” I mutter, and wonder, “Why does this have to happen to me? Is God mad at me?” Then my thoughts turn to Mary and Joseph. Face it. Their story doesn’t center on sugar cookies and egg nog.

• Joseph was off work for weeks because the government made him travel to a distant town to fill out some stupid registration papers.
• You can bet the Nazareth biddies hounded Mary about her pregnancy. Have you ever been called “slut”?
• Can you imagine taking a four-day donkey ride to Bethlehem at full term? Of course, if Mary didn’t want to ride, she could always walk … or waddle.
• Think about a camping trip with winter winds whistling through your tent. Or do you have a tent?
• How about being in labor in a dirty cattle barn? One whiff was all Mary needed.
• And then, in the middle of the night after a grueling labor, there’s a herdsman banging on the door

Why, of all things, did God let His own Son to be born under those conditions? Was God mad at Mary and Joseph? Of course not. Maybe God allowed the stable so we could see His glory backlit amidst life’s humbling experiences.

Life does have its downside, its reversals, its annoyances. And where is God when we despair? He was with Mary and Joseph every moment, working out His plan, just as He is with you and me right now.

I guess Christmas reminds us look to beyond our aggravations. God is doing something. You know, if we’ll lift our eyes above Bethlehem’s hovels for a moment, we might even catch a glimpse of the Christmas star.

copy and paste:

mms://whc.org.hk//2082/so_20080622mid.wma

copy and paste      mms://whc.org.hk/2277/so_20081116_mid.wma

from Overcoming Underachieving (P.126-7) by Dr. Sam Goldstein and Dr. Nancy Mather published  1998 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

1. Try to see the world through the eyes of your child. All is not always as it appears to you. Make an effort to understand how your child thinks, feels, and then behaves. You must be able to see the world from your child’s perspectives — a task that will take time, patience, persistence and effort on your part.

2. Be reliable and available. When possible, schedule private time with your child each day.

3. Continue to offer love, safety and security, regardless of any problems. Make certain you express your care and concern even when your child disagrees with you.

4. Reinforce effort, even if he or she is not successful. Provide lots of love — hugs, kisses and pats on the back.

5. Consistently foster self-esteem. School success is not a matter of your child’s succeeding at all costs; instead, feeling good about successes is the goal. Do not spend so much time on academic performance that your neglect other strengths and talents; instead, help to find activities that promote those natural talents.

6. Build responsibility. Allow your child the opportunity to do things independently and to learn from experience, while keeping in mind that, for some children, responsible behavior develops in very small steps.

7. Start with the end in mind, and set goals that can be accomplished. Whether the goal is developing math, reading, or behavioral skills, know where you want to go and review this information with your child. Be specific about what “behaving better” entails, and set small, attainable objectives along the way.

8. Use a problem-solving model. It is critically important that you offer your child a good example of how to deal with life’s problems day in and day out. Demonstrate that you believe failure is something to learn from and that an understanding of today’s failure can lay the foundation for tomorrow’s successes.

9. Make certain that there is a balance in your child’s life. Children with school problems often spend an inordinate amount of time completing schoolwork, and they end up feeling that they do little beyond trying to deliver a satisfactory finished product in an area that doesn’t matter to them. They often don’t spend time in activities they enjoy. When after-school time is limited, make sure that your child spends some of it in activities that are enjoyable and reinforcing.

10. Take care of your relationship with your child. Among the best predictors of children’s success in adult life is the quality of the relationship they have with their parents — independent of school success or failure. Your relationship with your child may become strained becasue of repeated problems, so take extra time to keep the scales balanced and the overall relationship positive. No matter how things are going at school, find a way to spend enjoyable, nonstressful time with your child at least a number of times each week. It doesn’t matter whether you play cards, go out for pizza, or toss a ball back and forth — what’s important is having a regular activity that is enjoyable for both of you.

11. Remember that your goal is to be a safety net, not a savior. Not surprisingly, children with school difficulties often seek gratification in other areas. That’s why it’s so important for you to provide structure, support and successful experiences in the home, which your child can then transfer to mastery of the world outside. You must walk a fine line of encouraging your child, supporting his or her endeavors, and acting as a safety net rather than a keeper.

From Overcoming underachieving: An Action Guide to Helping Your child to succeed in School by Dr. Sam Goldstein and Dr. Nancy Mather, published 1998 by John Wiley & Sons Inc, USA

Understanding Learning and Learning Problems P.7

The learning problems of children usually cannot be resolved quickly or cured with a “magic potion”. Instead, they are often chronic and require regular management. It’s a parent’s job to be the manager and, eventually, to help the child to learn to self-manage the problem. To be effective at this job, however, parents must first understand how children learn. What skills are required for school success? How do strengths and weaknesses in particular skills affect a child’s mastery of particular subjects?….

If Your child is a chip off the old Block P. 59

…many of the same issues affected your own childhood and are even present in your adult life today. This would not be surprising; problems with inattention and impulsivity are often hereditary. If you continue to experience these types of problems as an adult, getting help for yourself is a critical step in helping your child. Long-term studies clearly show that parents’ availability, competence, and persistence are key factors in predicting good life outcomes for their children. By taking care of your problems, you will be easing your child’s problems….

Self-Esteem and You, the Parent P. 106

As we have suggested, your own self-esteem is likely to have a significant impact on how you cope with and respond to your child’s problems. The quality of these interactions, in turn, will significantly impact your child’s self-esteem.

There are two important rules for every parent: The “Three C” rule and the “Three P” rule.

The Three C rule stresses commitment, challenges and control. Recognize the importance of what you do as a parent, and give yourself credit for remaining committed – sticking with your role even in the face of struggles. Learn to view difficult situations as challenges, or opportunities to learn, rather than as stresses to avoid. Finally, recognize what you can change and what you can’t, and keep focus on what you have control over rather than on what you do not.

The Three P rule is simple: Be proud of your child despite the struggle, and convey your belief in him or her. Be patient. Recognize that although it may take your child longer to master a task, time and practice will bring success. And be persistent: develop a set of goals, and keep focusing on accomplishing these goals and on helping others, including your child’s teachers, to help your child meet these goals.

Teach these rules to your child. Be committed, learning to recognize difficult situations as challenges, and recognizing that in every situation each of us has some control will help your child build, nurture, and foster self-esteem. It will protect against being wounded by unthinking adults and other children. Likewise, learning to be proud, patient and persistent will develop extra resources for facing unexpected life events….

Being a “Fair” Parent P. 138

Children who have problems with learning require a great amount of time, especially from parents. If you have several children, don’t feel quilty about treating them differently, according to their needs…. Each child needs something different from the family environment. Children with attentional and behavioral difficulties require exceptional parents because parenting these children is more demanding and challenging than parent children who do not have these problems. The fairest thing that you can do as a parent is: respond to and attempt to meet the individual needs of your children. When children grow up in warm, supportive homes and participate in classrooms where expectations are realistic, they are far less likely to develop other weaknesses in the foundational blocks of emotions and self-esteem.

Being a conscientious parent is not an easy job. Remember to pat yourself on the back occasionally, and keep your sense of humor. You and your child will have your share of bad as well as good days, but be assured that your patience, persistence, and efforts will pay off….